Tag Archives: Love

I Was Once A Great Warrior! Superhero and Problem Solver to All!

21 May

I was once a great warrior! The problem with taking a warrior out of the war is that he is lost.

For as long as I can remember I was great in intense situations. Always the one who stepped up to take on the crises, the danger, the bully, the out of body situation, with a clear head and decisive action! I was good! I was the soldier, the leader who could identify “in slow motion” what was needed and decisively direct others and act myself in a swift way to a positive calm outcome!

I was a warrior! Superhero!

And with the few of us in life who have that metal edge, when moments of being not needed to save the world, called into action, “downtime”!…….we lose our edge! We fall into depression and self destruction. We isolate ourselves, for our former warrior lifestyle was fed by directing others to solve the task at hand, the crisis.

Without the crisis we are very disappointed in humanity. People are weak. People suck.

‘Rambo First Blood’ was all about this. “Back there I used to be responsible for dozens of the best men, and million dollar machinery, back here I am nothing”!

‘Apocalypse Now’, when Martin Sheen was drunk in his dirty little bedroom, and his higher ups came to find him is another good example of a warrior in down time!

‘Patton’, when George C. Scott said, “I’d be proud to lead you guys in battle, anytime, anywhere”!

I don’t have any “larger than life” media type credentials in my past which would distinguish me to someone who does not know me as a warrior, and someone who has “the edge” in life. Other than those that knew me and relied on me to solve their life problems. I was an athlete in High School and College and always won the game with a winning home run or winning sack of the quarterback. I was the one who people pulled into the bathroom at parties for me to solve some issue. I was the one when fights were about to break out would step in and take on or diffuse the aggressor no matter his size or the situation. After college I entered the business world, and I was always the one to tackle the largest, most stressful crisis or most difficult customer. I did the dirty work that no one else wanted to do. In life, I have been the one given the task to tell others their family member died. I have been the one to tell girlfriends and boyfriends, husbands and wives, their significant other doesn’t want them anymore. I have called CEO’s out of the blue and crashed Presidential candidate meetings and had discussions with world leaders and policy advisers of Israel and other middle eastern countries leaders. I have dated super-models, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition models, Ambassadors daughters, Kings granddaughters, Senators daughters, Professional sports legends daughters, and have lived life like few others!

It has been some time since I was in the “war”, and able to be me! Not a military war, but the war of life. It is like I was captured by the enemy and the enemy has kept me in solitary confinement!

There is no conclusion to the blog post as the journey is not over which only comes in death. Maybe a “war” will rear it’s ugly head and I’ll be called back in action! I can only wish not! For, I believe in the good. The good in people and all humanity. But, I know differently. People are bad for the most part. I wish it were different. Those that have, want more. Those that have not, want more. It is a very ugly want, take, want, take world. I don’t want to be part of it. But I am!

“A man with no purpose, is a man waiting to die” ~ Earth Zebra

I was once a great warrior!

The Day The Mice Killed The Giant!

19 Apr

Once upon a time in a far, far away land, lived a magnificent giant. A boy about the age of 13 or 14 on his way to becoming a man. Trusting and respectful to all.

The giant stood 10 stories high with growing broad shoulders, dimpled cheeks, and a wonderfully welcoming smile to all. He towered over the very tall trees that grew in this land. The giant was a very kind person. He never hurt anyone and went out of his way to be kind to the mice….yes mice!

For in this land, the mice ruled the land. There were millions of them. The had homes scattered throughout the hillsides, burrowing under every nook and cranny, every sewage pipe, every dumpster, with vibrant farms cultivated by the giant, and healthy herds of cockroaches (which was their traditional meal) in fields with fences the giant built all on his own.

The mice and giant have lived among each other for many many years since the giant was a little baby. It is unclear how the giant came to the mice, for the elders of the mice say it was a miracle from the mice gods and the giant baby was found under a cabbage leaf! The giant does not ask and does not care how he came to find his “family” of mice and only cares about the love the mice give him in his daily things to do to help all the mice!

The mice raised and taught the giant everything he needed to know. They told him how to do his chores, and what was expected of him to contribute to the mice society. This guidance usually came from the men of mice land as the women in this land were second to the men mice and not allowed to voice their thoughts or opinions.

The giant helped the mice in every way possible and do everything he was asked to do by the mice. He’d break up large timbers like they were match sticks so the mice would have fresh firewood to cook with. He’d play with the children mice by putting 50 of them on his back at one time and pretend he was a a bucking bronco! He’d go out into the nearby lands with his large steps could take him very far with each step to retrieve mice food for all of the village. The giant felt as though he was very much respected by the mice in every way! After-all, the giant came to these mice and while different, thought he was just a large different mouse! This is all he knew as the mice raised him from a baby!

Or so he thought!

For you see, the problem with being “different” from the mice, created resentment and jealousy in some of the mice. This jealousy and resentment little by little over time was whispered from mouse to mouse until there were suddenly one day many mice who thought they would be better off without the giant. One mouse would tell another mouse something and that would get repeated, fabricated, and exaggerated into many lies about the giant that were not true. What was once was a magnificent man in the mice’s eyes turned into the perception of a horrible beast with the spread of these lies. His being different from the mice was threatening to some of the mice.

“Birds of a feather flock together and outsiders are not welcome!” ~ Earth Zebra

The giant could sense this resentment towards him. This made him very sad. He did not understand it. None of his old friends would talk to him anymore. They would not accept his firewood, or let their children anywhere near him. He did not understand and one day went to some of his most trusted mice and asked, “why do you not like me anymore”. The mice just shrugged their shoulders, did not answer, and looked away from their former friend the giant.

So one day, early in the morning before the mice were awake, the giant left. He quietly snuck through the valley and over the mountains.

The mice awoke to silence. They did not at first know what was different this morning. They looked at each other in bewilderment as to what was different. Off to the side of the town square was a group of 2 children mice. They were crying. When approached by the elder of the mice village, the kids pointed towards the trees and said, “he is gone” and they burst into tears.

The elder mouse scurried back to the other mice and yelled to everyone to be quiet, be quiet….”Last night myself and the other men mice Killed the giant”, he said. “We are your hero’s”! The crowd of mice cheered and danced singing, “We killed the giant, we killed the giant”! For 7 days and 7 nights the mice celebrated. Little by little they went back to their normal lives and daily activities.

After about 2 weeks, a sadness started to develop among the mice. A very large part of their life was not around anymore. The happiness that the giant brought to the community was being noticed as missing among the mice. The children mice did not play anymore, there was no firewood, no bucking bronco rides that brought cheers from the crowd. The giant was no more.

Meanwhile the giant just kept walking. Over many mountain ranges, down in valleys, over rivers, and glaciers. The giant just walked with his head hung low and not caring how far or where he ended up! The giant did not eat or sleep for 6 months, he just walked, and walked and walked through some of the most foul weather and storms known to man….with a sadness in his heart.

The giant being so weak from lack of food, and no sleep, one day finally found a cave big enough to lay down in. He crawled in and went to sleep.

Back in mice land, things were not going so well, some of the children mice were asking to visit the giants grave site. They asked the elders where was the giant buried? Well, not having a good answer, many of the town mice were starting to wonder if the lie the towns men mice told them was true! Fights began to break out between the women mice and the men mice. The men mice insisted they were heroes and saved the women mice. The women mice insisted that the children be allowed to see the grave site of the giant! Things were getting ugly in mice land!

The giant meanwhile was getting some well needed sleep. His head was being cleared of his sadness, he’d wake up every so often and eat some of the plentiful moss growing on the sides of the cave and drink from dripping snow-melt. If he were to roll over on his side during the afternoons the sun would shine on his face warming his slightly returning smile.

After a month of sleeping the giant finally stretched out his legs, and with a a big yawn gave out the first smile he had in 7 months! He was rested, not sad anymore, and the sun was now shining through the front of the cave and he couldn’t wait to see what new land he had traveled so so far to see!

The giant, dusted himself off, stood up, but had to bend down a bit so not to hit his head on the cave ceiling. He walked over to the opening of the cave and ……”oh my god”, he said!!!!! As he stood from his mountain top perch looking out onto the most beautiful valley, with rivers as wide as freeways, trees that reached 100 stories high that he not longer would tower over. There were mountains that soured 3 miles high and were much more in perspective than the little ones in mice land. Everything was in proportion to him….in proportion for a giant!

He lept from his perch of the cave and ran down the hill to see what he could see…and “oh my god” what did he find but a village of giant size homes! Everything was large enough for him…a giant! And wait, what is that?…it is other giants! Oh dear lord have you brought me home?…he said!

The giant ran into the village, looking around in amaziness for he never knew such a place existed! All he knew from growing up with the mice was that everything was small and he was too big for any of it! But, not here, hot damn, this is all giant sized he said to himself! He ran into the town square and there they were…people like him. Giants! “Oh thank you god, thank you god, thank you god, I am not a freak”! I am not a giant at all. I am normal”, he said out-loud!

All the other giants rushed over to greet him and hug him. It was the very first time that he had been hugged with arms completely around him. There were older giants that were much taller than him. He did not know this existed for all he knew was what the mice told him. He did not know there was such love, for all he knew was the slavery the mice told him was his only purpose in life. He did not know that there was such peach, such normality, such family love, for all the mice told him was he was to serve them.

The giant found his family again!

He learned from everyone who came to embrace him that his name is Sam. He has many family members, wanting him and waiting, and praying that someday he would be found!

It is told to him that during the great flood of 14 years ago, a hurricane hit the village of Happy (the village name is ‘Happy’), and at the age of 4 he tried to rescue his mother who had been swept into the river. He reached his mother and helped her swim to shore and he reached a branch which he gave to his mother, but in helping her to shore, he lost his grip and was washed down the river. He was told, his family and all the giants searched for him for years and years but to no avail. His mother passed a few years ago from malaria. She got it from Mice droppings in the forest in her constant search from him.

Sam never knew what happened to the mice land. He didn’t care….he was happy and HOME!

“The difference between Love and Abuse can be very confusing until you truly feel Love” ~ Earth Zebra

Copyright © EarthZebra 2011. All rights reserved.

Success Is Doing The Best You Can

17 Apr

Seems pretty simple, right?

Afterall, we can’t do more than we can!
Afterall, trying harder than we are capable of never works out!
Afterall, our best is our best, and there is nothing better than our best!

So, why is it that if we do our best sometimes it is not good enough?

Well, it is!

The problem is not with ourselves. The problem is with other people! Everybody has different levels of what we are capable of. One persons best effort will not always be the same as someone else’s best effort. This is what makes us all individuals.

Many times we also compare ourselves to other people. If only I could look like Brad Pitt. If only I could run fast like Usane Bolt. If only I could hit a baseball like Derek Jeter. And then there are our friends, family and the immediate people in our lives. If only I could be like my older brothers or sisters. If only I could be like my parents. If only I could have the incredible faith like my minister or wisdom of my school professor.

You see, this is how many of us go through life but we should not. If only we could understand that just doing our individual bests is Success. It IS accomplishing the goal.

There is nothing wrong with achieving less than someone else if you “Do Your Best”! Doing you best is a happy thing. It means you have taken your god given ability, which none of us can change, and we put our heart and best effort into whatever it is!

So, next time you look at something you have done in life and wonder if it is successful?……just simply ask yourself if you did your best! If the answer is yes, then you are a SUCCESS!

“Success is doing the best you can!” ~ Earth Zebra

What is Love?

23 Mar

It is funny how “it just happens”. Not saying that I’m in love mind you but once in a while, a very rare while, someone comes along that you just so perfectly connect with on a deeper level than your average person.

It is never planned or forced, and it isn’t not something you need to think about, it just “is”!

Love is a feeling within your chest that you can physically feel. It warms your entire body and puts a smile on your face. Suddenly everything becomes very clear and in place.

You carry with you the thought of this other person always. They have touched your soul and are holding hands with your soul. Like children happily playing within your body, the day is a pleasure and wonderful time.

When in love you feel complete. You feel as though everything has just begun and is new. Love gives you power. The power to accomplish and do anything.

“Love is the most powerful drug known to man” ~ Earth Zebra

Happiness Results In Alcohol ——– Alcohol Never Result In Happiness!

11 Mar

Do you want to know “What causes people to become Alcoholics”?

Simple….Back in the beginning of most peoples first drinks of growing up, or at whatever age we had our first drink, our first drinking experiences usually comes as a result of some sort of celebration.

* Perhaps a winning high school football game
* Someones happy wedding
* Making a big business deal
* Having a great time with friends
* It could be anything but usually in celebration of life

CELEBRATION OF LIFE IS AWESOME! WOO-HOO! PARTY!

And this is where the problem lays. A celebration just by definition is a happy moment in life. Then we “reward” ourselves with alcohol at the end of our celebration.

So, being the dimwitted human beings we are, we start associating alcohol with the great feelings we experienced with real life happiness in those celebrations.

But it is not. We get it backwards and we get confused.

“Happinesss results in Alcohol, Alcohol never results in Happiness” ~ Earth Zebra

We start thinking by drinking alcohol we then can have the wonderful feeling of real life celebrations and happiness we were “conditioned” to associate with alcohol. It is normal. Think about how many times we have had wonderful days and then rewarded or additionally celebrating ourselves by having a drink! It is normal to want to always have these happy moments. So, the human brain says, well, I just had a horrible day at work, how about I be happy like I was on all those wonderful days I did something fabulous in life and then drank after.

Drinking to try and get the adrenaline rush we have when we are experiencing something wonderful in life doesn’t lead to the same adrenaline rush. It is fake. It doesn’t bring the same happiness of a true celebration of life moments.

So, we drink to try and find those happy moments again. Why wouldn’t we! Heck, life is hard enough and if you can bottle all our amazing moments in life and pop the bottle open to relive them?….Who wouldn’t! And so the merry-go-round starts spinning!

Then, in some people, we end up drinking night after night after night. We chase those happy moments we remember a falsely given a cheap, fake, version of happiness. We get the alcohol happiness but never achieve the same real life happiness that only real life moments and natural body adrenaline can produce!

“For true happiness only comes from real life experiences” ~ Earth Zebra

True happiness, and the adrenaline rush only comes from real life celebrations of life. Alcohol can not give you this.

Want to stop drinking? How to stop drinking? Simple, just realize that Happiness is what we experience in life. Happiness are the amazing moments we have in life. Alcohol is and should be only for those moments.

So, hey, if every day is an a Amazing day for you then go for it. However, for most of us, life every day is not.

I don’t have any problem with people drinking. I think AA (Alcoholics Anonymous), and any idiot / morons who say they are going to “rehab” is a fool. Rehab “doctors” are a bunch of loser people who have never drank and experienced life. They pushed their butt stained noses into books and never lived life. If you want real advice in how to stop drinking ask someone who has been there, gone back, been there, gone back, and has a control of the nasty dragon!

It’s not easy to quit drinking. It takes wanting to stop! If you don’t want too, don’t bother torchuring yourself or the idiot who suggested it! It takes a commitment to yourself to seeing a “new” future that you want more than the old one!

If someone asks you to stop drinking tell them you are Charlie Sheen and you are WINNING!

But beware, if you are not making $2,000,000, 20 times a year each television show episode then you might want to re-evaluate if you are truly WINNING! You just might be LOSING!

To stop drinking, you need to talk to yourself every single day of the first 2 weeks non-stop repeating, “I am not WINNING when I drink, everything is a MESS, I will drink when I’m WINNING again”!

Yes, I said it. WINNERS can drink again! LOSERS can not!

Are you a winner or a loser? Be honest.

Except for the very few we are all losers. The US news media has romanticized and glamorized models, actors, politicians, come to think of it, anyone in front of a camera!

Why is it that “ALL OF US” have to be force fed such fake expectations! Do I hear LAWSUIT? Yep! What is my cut since I pointed this out?

Earth Zebra

Lara Logan Talks About Egypt Assault Details – American News Media to Blame!

22 Feb


“I sadly now say that I have been for all my career in reporting the “news”, a puppet delivering the “masters” messages! My CBS News bosses used and betrayed me! I should have been not sent there or been there! This is where the blame for my rape should be placed!”

“If a culture like this is to exist in the year 2011 a fence needs to be built encircling it and it should only be observed from outside the bars like wild animals in a zoo!”

THE FOLLOWING AND ABOVE IS A FICTITIOUS ACCOUNT OF THE TRAGIC AND HORRIBLE ASSAULT ON LARA LOGAN, CBS NEWS CORRESPONDENT. THE ACCOUNT IS ONE POSSIBLE VERSION AS I SEE IT HAPPENING SPOKEN IN LARA’S 1’ST PERSON NARRATIVE. THE PURPOSE OF THIS BLOG POST IS TO DISCUSS WHY THIS HAPPENED, AND WHO IS TO BLAME! APOLOGIES AHEAD OF TIME FOR THE RAW, SEXUAL, HORRIBLE, FOLLOWING ACCOUNT OF WHAT MOST LIKELY HAPPENED TO LARA.

——————–
Hello to my fans, supporters, and loved ones,

An especial thank you to all those that have been so supportive of me, and those who have wished me well in my recent life’s struggles.

My name is Lara Logan. Up until today, I was a CBS News Foreign Correspondent. Effective immediately I am resigning this position. Before I give my reasons why I am leaving a job that I so love dearly for many years I think it is important for everyone to understand the details of my assault.

In the past I have always been a firm believer in the right for free speech and peaceful protest. I think it is the right of every human being on this wonderful and sometimes cruel planet. The right to assemble and peacefully voice an opinion is cornerstone for all free societies. Having said this, there are times when “we” western societies misguidedly try to place our own value systems upon other societies, countries and peoples. A good example of this is taking a wild animal out of the wild and domesticating it. Asking it to have human habits and thought patterns. It will always be a wild animal and eventually will harm you.

My tragic event started out with this mindset. My film crew, producer, and security were witnessing what we thought to be jubilant, peaceful, celebration of society taking its first breaths of fresh air in perhaps thousands of years. We could not have been more wrong!

I was just finishing up taping a report when the “mob” seemed to swell to hundreds. What began as a manageable situation soon became apparent we all were in danger. In our time here in Egypt we have all along been called Jew’s and Spy’s from the crowd. Egypt has such an intense hatred for Israel that anyone with western features is looked at as a threat. My entire team was now completely engulfed within the crowd. There was no room to move. Everyone was body to body and the screaming of the mob made it nearly impossible to call out to my team. I don’t know for sure if the mob deliberately planned to separate me from my colleagues and security. I think it just happened. Similar to a lava flow. There were so many people, body to body, any movement was wherever the flow of the crowd took you.

I could sense the crowd was growing more and more agitated that we were in “their space” and not welcome. My film crew was being shoved, pushed, hit, and the camera equipment was being tugged and pulled on. We were totally defensive. My security was trying to keep an eye on me all the while trying to protect my crew at the same time. The men were being especially aggressive to my male crew. In the chaos before I knew it, I was trapped within the crowd and my crew was slowly being pulled further and further away from me. I was in an ocean rip current being pulled out to sea. I found myself in a very quick time span alone to deal with the mob on my own. There was no one there to help me.

All eyes were upon me. Hands on my back, shoulders, and there were so many men all facing my direction that we were all bodies to bodies. I had my arms up, saying to them, “Friend”, “Friend”, “Journalist Friend”. I could see this was of no use. The fierceness in the men’s eyes were that of a wolf pack and I was the one they were hunting. In only a matter of a minute my jacket was pulled off me. My arms flung down to my side creating being almost handcuffed. I was being slapped in the face, dozens of hands grabbing at every part of my body. Within seconds my top was violently ripped from my body, my bra was ripped off, and jacket now gone freeing my hands. I tried my very best to cry out for help. I covered my now exposed breasts to no avail. There were just too many men, too many hands pulling and holding my arms down from protecting myself . My breasts were being slapped, nipples gripped and pulled at, my face was being hit, my arms were being held back behind me. I was defenseless but still pleaded to let me go. The mob seem to only grow louder and louder, “Jew”, “Jew”, “Jew”, “Spy”, “Spy Whore”, “Western Whore” was being chanted. At this time my pants and panties were yanked to around my ankles. I was now fully exposed and naked to hundreds of hands grabbing at me. There was nothing I could do at this point. Too many hands, too many men. Fingers were being inserted into my vagina, and anal. My breast were being slapped, and grabbed from every direction. I was still at the mercy of the mob flow but my pants and panties were around my ankles causing me to trip. In my falling I was picked up off the ground by the mob. I was in their arms face up, legs up in the air. My pants, panties, and shoes were ripped off. I was lowered to my feet and forcefully bent over. I was being raped anal. This assault lasted only a few seconds as the crowd was pulling on me in every direction like children fighting over a favorite stuffed animal. From behind I was entered in my vagina this time. At the same time hands and fingers pummeled every part of my body. I can’t remember at what point my will to fight was lost. I was picked up and raped from the front being held by all fours, over and over. I was bent over and entered over and over from behind. I had flag poles and other objects forced into me. I was at their mercy.

My separation from my crew, assault and rape I was told later, lasted about 30 minutes. In times of extreme situations, time slows down. 30 seconds in a time of incredible intensity seems like 30 minutes in itself. My horror lasted in slow motion 1,800 minutes, or 30 hours if you take it from my perspective.

At a certain point, the human body shuts down. Goes into a protective Coma like trance. Mine was no different. I think after the 10’th minute and god only knows how many rapes, everything became quiet. If you recall the end of the movie Gladiator, where Maximus is floating on his back, aware of whats happening, but it is silent, and he is seeing the gates of heaven, his past, and feels nothing, is an accurate description of what I felt for the last 20 minutes of my assault before I was finally rescued.

I read in the media reports the word “Assault” being used. This is a pretty flimsy word for what I went through. I was brutally attacked, raped, and I wish people would not sugar coat things for this happened in real life. It as not a movie. I can not walk out of the theater and go back to my normal life. Like some can do!

Which brings me to why this happened and who is to blame! Yes, there is blame to be had!

You must first understand as I do now what many parts of the world are like and the mindset of those in those areas.

Lets take the American and Western News news media executives first. They sit in their ivory towers in New York, Atlanta, or London and have no concept as to what real life is. They think the news is a movie. A movie they can twist reality into what they think the viewer want to hear. The people of western societies are being brainwashed, lied to, as to what the reality is around the world! All Americans know about this region is how a news executive dreams up will be the best narrative and get the most viewers. It serves no other purpose than to increase ratings, increase advertising revenue, ultimately power, and money in their pockets. I sadly now say that I have been the for all my career in reporting the “news”, a puppet delivering the masters messages! CBS News used and betrayed me! I should have been not sent there and been there! This is where the blame for my rape should be placed!

This “freeing” of Egypt was nothing of the such. I compare what just happened in Egypt to be the same as a pack of wolves fighting to decide the hierarchy of the packs ranks. It happens often when the Alpha wolf grows old and younger stronger wolves accept the dominant role.

What is not known by the News Media executives is that we are not welcome in the wolf pack private area while they fight among themselves. “We” are seen as a threat to the whole wolf pack. They stop their natural fighting, and then band together to all together fight the foreign intruder.

We never should have been there! The blame for what happened to me lays directly with my superiors at CBS News, the American and Western News Media’s, and ultimately the viewers who have been lulled into a trance by story tellers in ivory towers.

It makes me sick to think about how the coverage of my rape has been tried to be kept quiet by CBS News and hushed up by other main stream media. We do not live in a free society. We in the western world live in a Big Brother, mind controlling, information controlling, dictating soceity!

The people of Egypt while taking my heart away from me, will not take my spirit! The people of Egypt and most in that region do not have the mental capacity to rule their own country. They might get a democracy, but that democracy will be controlled by the “organizers” of people. “One vote, one man” only works when each man or woman is freely able to cast their vote according to their own will. This will not happen in Egypt and no longer happens in the USA. If a group, such as in unions here in the USA, or the Muslim Brotherhood in Egypt, can convince, or threaten enough people to vote in like minded ways, then the individual’s vote does not have an impact on elections. The society is not free.

I do not feel sorry for Egypt or it’s people. It is a backwards people, and country left back in time. They can not be domesticated. They are beasts, and wild animals and should be thought of and treated as such. The attack on me was not the work of a “bad element” as news has reported. The attack on me was done by the entire Muslim culture! If a culture like this is to exist in the year 2011 a fence needs to be built encircling it and it should only be observed from outside the bars like wild animals in a zoo! The world would be a better place without the people of Egypt, the Muslim culture, and the world would be a better place without News Executives! Shame on you both!

Thank you to everyone who has supported me. I will thrive once again very soon.

Lara Logan

Bring it on Elk!

1 Feb

One of my favorite things to do, is after work each day is to go into town and do some errands.

It gets me away from the computer and phone giving perspective to the days business events. While I find the grocery store and post office mentally stimulating I usually also try to go for a short drive exploring the area as I happen to live in one of the most scenic parts of the world.

I have been looking for the Elk for some time now without any success. I’m not sure where they have been hiding. I am starting to think that the Elk in this area is some made up story to bring in more tourists!

I FOUND THE ELK! Well, be careful what you ask for because a few days ago me and a Bull Elk almost came to blows!

The day started off as any other day. Work was your normal, call, email, call, email, rejection, rejection, rejection. So my afternoon errands adventure was very much welcomed. After paying double to what the grocery’s should have cost, and checking my mail I decided to head to the South this day towards the mountain range where rumor has it, there be Elk to be found! The roads were pretty clear by now from the days prior snow storm as I wound my way along the mountains. I drove slow so that I could have a good chance at spotting this allusive beast.

Wait, what is that? Is it? Could it? I squint in hopes of improving my vision…no just a big dog. Just my luck. I pretty much resign myself to never seeing any Elk on my days search and even admit to myself that I will not see any in my entire time in my move to this area.

“Just when you least expect it, it will happen” ~ Earth Zebra

The Highway is coming up and my search will be over soon, and then I spot something! Oh my, that’s no dog. Is it a horse? Is it a donkey? No. Yes. No. Yes. It is! It is! It is! And not just 1 it’s about 60 Elk! Eureka, I’ve hit the mother load!

They they are, sitting up on a sunlit hill taking a nap from what was no doubt a morning filled with munching on the valley grass hidden under the snow. Pretty incredible site. I finally found them. I wish they were closer though. Wait, I have an idea. How about I sneak up on them! Hey good ideas! Maybe they will invite me to be an honorary Elk for the afternoon and we can have a nice visit! Apparently I was in the wrong line when they were handing out Boy Scout Field manuals!

So, I find a place to park the car and plan my strategy. To the right of the Elk herd is about 100 yards of trees. I bet I could walk to the far side of the trees and come back to the Elk and never be noticed. Out of the car I go, to be greeted with minus -20C temperatures. Funny, the walk to the tree line looked so much shorter from the car. No stopping now I say to myself, I have been invited for tea by the elk. Camera in hand I reach the edge of the trees and head into the snow. I think to myself, well, if something happens the rescuers should be able to follow my snow tracks. But what could happen? They are just big cuddly dogs with antlers. I continue on.

What I didn’t expect is that in my suburbia world I have completely failed to appreciate the work that a snow plow does and the young chap who wakes me up at 7AM, first light, on snowy days with his snow shovel scraping on the sidewalk. The snow is up to my knees! Oh great! Never again will I curse him from under my covers for now I truly appreciate him and wish he were here to clear an easy walking path for me now!

My plan was to go Davy Crocket on them, and sneak up on the Elk. What I failed to anticipate is that with each step I take the frozen snow on the top breaks and makes a noise that can be heard in 3 counties. Needless to say the Elk know I’m coming from my very first step off the street! No sneaking now. “The barn door is open”, “the boy has already smoked”, and my approach is well known.

The trek to where the Elk are is about 100 yards. I can see where they have bedded down, and apparently there is no Elk bathroom!

When I arrive at the end of the trees I am met with many staring eyes and frankly I didn’t feel all that welcome! There was no tea, no snacks, and no one said a word to me!

And then HE shows up!

The HE I speak of is some young wipper-snapper Bull Elk who no doubt is trying to impress his does. Look pal, I don’t want your does. No need to get all in a huff and have a hissy fit!

After a few minutes of the Bull Elk strutting around and telling his hot doe babes to head over to the other side of the trees I decide to fall back and head back to the road as it looks like that is where the tea party is and maybe I just came to the wrong place.

So back through the knee deep snow I go, and what was 100 yards now seems like 200 yards and when I get back to the edge of the treeline by the street, sure enough this is where the tea party is. Everyone is there and happy to see me.

And then HE shows up AGAIN! Just when the party was really getting going this guy just won’t give up! I guess it is going to be a showdown HIM and ME! Bring it on big boy!

Well, a few things I have learned in life is that you can’t rationalize with people who lack the mental capacity to understand reason. It will never happen, it’s like telling a child not to do something. They will do it just because you told them not to. But this is not a human being so those rules don’t apply here! The thing to do is to give him one of my famous slant eye looks. If he wants to play “blink”, then he certainly came to the right place as I am a former champion!

And so the showdown is ON! HE and ME! Mano ah Mano! Man to Man! (Ut um, ELK to ME with NO HORNS!) I can take him I think to myself!

We each scratch the snow! We each posture ourselves, snorting, blowing snot our of noses! He bugles in a show of dominance! I start singing the anthem song to the Boy Scout pledge! We prepare to go “Game On”!

And after a few moments, it is clear that I will be the winner of this staredown and it comes to an end….I AM THE WINNER!

The tea party then resumes!