Tag Archives: Love

I am a Moron and Can’t Help It!

28 Nov

Who am I?  Who am I?  I can’t remember which movie I saw that in but it was a good scene.  The actor kept repeating it, who am I, who am I, in different voice tones as if one of them would stick and he’d suddenly realize who he is.  I remember, it was ‘The Breakfast Club’, great movie!

 
I am typing this after another bad experience.   After-all, “you speak too much” she told me!  UGG, dagger through heart!   I suppose that is the reason why I’m not married.  I’ve dated some amazing women in my life, go me!…but my biggest flaw and such a turn-off to women is when a guy holds his heart out too soon to a woman.  Everyone likes the chase.  Everyone likes to feel like they conquered their prey!  Society has told us that “hard to get” makes for a better person to be with.  
 
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Well, not so!  It’s funny, the girls that I have dated that I wasn’t really into all that much are the longest relationships I have had.  I treated them like shit and they kept coming back and back.  But when I really like someone and all those chemical reactions started racing through my body, I always destroyed those possible relationships by being a complete and total needy loser!  Darn chemical reactions!
 
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My longest relationships with those that I was very much into was when I was dating several of “them” all at the same time.  I physically just couldn’t keep up with each of the girls.  This made for a good buffer from my chemical reactions, otherwise they would have imploded too.   When I finally settled on just one, it imploded a few months after.   It IS possible to love too much!   
 
I think something is wrong with me physically inside.  This is not a normal response to being into someone, is it?  
 
I just hope that I can meet someone with the same chemical reaction that I have for them, they have for me.   My god, the sex would be nuclear!  
 
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I will keep trying.  But I’m not getting any  younger and am getting a little concerned I’ll be alone forever and never have kids.  Very sad.
 
xoxo
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The UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT is Lying about North Korea!

13 Apr

No captionThe US government is hell bent on scaring the sh*t out of it’s own population and World about North Korea!

The trillion dollar question is why?

What do the scare tactics being used by the government of the United States really mean:

1.) North Korea launches a missile in December putting a satellite into orbit.
The USA says it was a military missile. Of course they would! That is what I’d say too if I was trying to find things I could twist into scaring people!

2.) North Korea invites Dennis Rodmann the basketball player to visit their leader.
The US Government has no comment and shortly after begins an all out campaign to scare the world about North Korea

3.) North Korea has their annual war games that they have each year.
The US Government twists that into they are massing at the border and about to invade South Korea

4.) North Korea this, and that, and this, and that. It just goes on and on and I don’t have time to go over the daily spewing of poppy cock of misinformation.

I can assure you there is a very simple answer which is not what you are being spoon fed by the US media via the US government.

Orwell Crowd BrainwashingSo, what’s all the hubbub about?

Doesn’t this all sound very similar to propaganda we’ve heard before any escalation towards war that the United States Government has engaged in, in the last 20 years! It’s right out of the playbook, line by line.

Scare the PeopleFirst step is to take anything that the wanted opponent does and twist the heck out of it making them look like the crazy monster that is going to eat our children. Remember Iraq and the leader we hung by a rope? Same strategy. Paint the leader, military, and it’s people as crazy, evil, and dangerous.

Second step is too keep spewing out the false information to the population of the US and the World. If you say it enough people will start believing it. The USA media has no problem in facilitating this step. By creating a crisis they keep their watchers, readers, and listener engaged and tuning in. The more people tune in the more money they make.

North Korea isn’t doing anything threatening to anyone. The only one making threats is the US Government.

Orwell 1984Just remember. Not too long ago our trusted US Government created an office called, “The Office of Mis-Communication” which sole purpose was to feed the population and world a bunch of bullsh*t in order to form public opinion, policy, and keep it’s citizens living in fear and dependent on “Big Brother”.

Don’t Be Mean To Me Mommy I’ll be Good

9 Mar

Parents Don't Love MeDon’t be mean to me Mommy, I’ll be good….are words of a 5 year old, a 12 year old, a 28 year old, a 42 year old, a 62 year old, or an 82 year old!

No matter how much we like to think of ourselves as “independent”, grown up, our own person, the love of our Father or Mother is something that is deep routed into us and we will ALWAYS strive to find their approval, acceptance, and love.

This is not anything new in the world that I’m revealing.  There have been countless movies, and books on the subject.  On Golden Pond is one movie that comes to mind first where Jane Fonda desperately still sought Norman, her fathers love and acceptance even though she was in her 40’s and had her own family.   She had been carrying this hurt within her, all her life.

deepest hurt everThe “hurt” or feeling that a parent doesn’t love you completely is probably the deepest hurt anyone can feel.  Marriages, boyfriends, and girlfriends come and go.  They can be replaced.   But you only have one set of parents and there is never a re-do!    The love and acceptance of a parent is of the deepest and most important relationship all people have.  You can’t change this, it is always there within you!

I only blog about this because someday I hope to be a dad. And I will be an amazing dad! No matter what, some bonds, some love’s, are inseparable and unbreakable!

Please love your children “no matter what”!

EZ

5 Years and 5 Days! On the Other Side of HELL!

20 Jan

Pigeon King of the WorldOnce upon a time there was a guy who “had it all” and was “king of the world”…..or so he thought!

This very arrogant chap lived on the most expensive block of the most expensive neighborhood of New York City. The city where dreams come true!

Dreams did come true! In hindsight, they were bad dreams of “How not to live life”, taking control of a very nice young man with wide eyes, and a grand future in front of himself. There was fabulous black tie gala’s, partying with models and the so called “fabulous people” until the early hours of the morning. Elaborate diners out every night were paid for with the sound of a platinum Black Amex Card and the giggles of some brainless twit who was just fed like a back-street whore who didn’t make enough for lunch on her morning shift. The alcohol flowed freely and paying for a $20 dirty martini which was put on a tab, and downed without the slightest flinch followed by 3 or 4 more ordered! Man In The MirrorThis young chaps clothes were all designer made in Italy, freshly polished shoes was mandatory, and shirts never worn more than once before laundering was the way of normal life. His vehicle was a Range Rover, replaced every 2 years with a new one, and his parking garage cost more than most people’s apartments cost or a persons yearly income in many parts of the world. Trips across the country in First Class were a monthly thing, with town cars, the best hotels, and tipping door men and maitre d’s made him feel powerful. It was a life of over-excess, over-indulging, and thinking of himself in a ways only to justify what was ultimately a self-destructing life.

That guy was me!

What happened next was the snowball that had been rolling down the deep snowed mountain for a very long time had finally reached the valley floor. As everyone knows, temperatures in the valley are never as cold as higher up on the mountainside. My snowball began to melt. Like in Frosty the Snowman, first my button nose broke off, then my eyes made out of coal fell out, and finally I could no longer support the weight of my corn cob pipe! I lost it all!

Fair Weather Friend HorseThe apartment was gone, the black card was gone, the fancy dinners were no longer, the models were gone, no longer were my shoes polished, and even the giggling hungry floozies wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I was all alone.

The next 5 years and 5 days had me bouncing from city to city. It started out with paying for a new apartment rental that was half of what I was paying in New York City. The next year it was half of that, and a new city. The following years rent was again, half once more of the previous place and on it went like that for years. Until finally I was homeless living with family and depending on a family members Social Security check to feed me. (Note: You are not “homeless” when living with family….in fact you are “Home”!). I only came to realize this in the last 8 weeks.

God Kill Me PleaseFor 5 years and 5 days, I prayed to God to die each and every night. “Dear God please take me, I have no purpose here and someone else is much more deserving to be on this Earth than I”, I’d say quietly to myself in bed.

For 5 years and 5 days, I attempted a slow self-suicide by eating and drinking myself into a “Pitiful” person. Thanks to my sister for voicing this out-loud one day by the way. While I didn’t appreciate the insult, in hindsight, it was true. I was a pitiful person….285 lbs, black-out drunk every night, binge eating in a drunken stupor, so fat I couldn’t reach my ass to wipe it or tie my shoes.

For 5 years and 5 days, I wore the same 2 pair of jeans, the same 3 black t-shirts, the same pairs of 4 boxers that had become ripped in multiple directions from years of not being able to afford to buy new ones. Food, gas, shelter came first.

For 5 years and 5 days, I wore the same pair of Nike running shoes. I had purchased these shoes at the Nike flagship store in NYC some years earlier even though I really didn’t need them. They cost about $150 and just sat in my closet. The shoes after 5 years, had holes in them by this time, and were worn thin and very dirty looking. The soles had given way to cracks that let the water in when it rained. My grandfather once said, you can tell everything you need to know about a man by looking at his shoes. Mine were the shoes of a Pitiful person.

For 5 years and 5 days, I existed. Nothing more. I did not count in this world or to myself. I wanted to die.

Man of LedgeAs with every fairytale, there is a turning point or crossroads where the hero has to make a choice. It is not a choice that anyone can make for the hero of the story. It is not a choice the hero can make on his own because it is not actually a choice at all. It has to come from within the heart, not the mind. It just happens when you are truly ready. I woke up one day and didn’t buy that new bottle of gut-rot Vodka. I don’t know why not on that day. I woke up one day and didn’t want to gorge myself with food. Oh believe me, the inner voice each day of the last few years said, STOP, but I could not. Each morning I woke up alive and was disappointed God did not take me in the night. I don’t know why that day was different. It just happened. I woke up alive, having not been taken by God in the night, and I wanted to be alive. I didn’t want to be that pitiful person for one day longer!

On the other side of Hell is a new guy….a new me! The 5 years and 5 day journey was a rough one.

I have not had a drop of alcohol in my body since the day before Thanksgiving Day, November 2012. Unless you count the 48 hours it takes to clear your blood system, then I suppose it’s been since the 3’rd day after Thanksgiving! HA!

Since the day after Thanksgiving, November 2012 I implemented an eating plan which consists of eating only things that a person can kill, grow, or dig for. Which means, meat and fish, leafy or root vegetables, and lots of water. Anything that is man made is off limits! In almost 2 months I have lost 26 lbs!

This is me today. 26lbs down, 60lbs more to go to reach my goal of 200lbs. Today I was at 259lbs, and god willing I will be at 258 1/2 lbs tomorrow morning. I think I look pretty good for almost being a dead person just 8 weeks ago!

After so many, many years of struggling to afford even the most basic of life’s needs, aka food, shelter, clothing, healthcare, I received word this morning that I’m about to get something that I’ve worked hard for the last month! It will produce enough money so I can afford to not have to worry about if I can afford to eat tonight as was the case for the last 5 years.

It is in the last 5 years and 5 days I have discovered who I really am. It is in this time of despair, my time of despair that I discovered and learned so much about people, life, and what’s important.

What is HappyI’m going help others who are asking God to die, because I’ve been there. Unless you’ve gone to hell and come back, you can never know about how truly beautiful being alive can be.

Thank you God for not taking me! Perhaps prayers do come true! Just not always how we pray for them, but rather in a way that nudges us towards what our true destiny is.

EZ

EarthZebra’s Theory of The Meaning of Life and Creation!

27 Aug

Is there life after death?
Are there other forms of life other than on Earth?
Do other Universes exist?
What is the Meaning of Life?

All questions asked for thousands of years by human beings on Earth. A search for answers to “How did we get here?”

Well, I’ve figured it out and the answer is Yes!! to all those questions!

Inside each human body is a “Soul”. Not a human body soul but “your Soul” placed in that human body. You know, that inner voice that talks to you all day long. The inner voice that we have come to know as our thoughts. That inner voice who is the real us, versus the us everyone sees on our exterior bodies! This voice is our “Soul” and the real “Us”.

The human body is only a carrier to our Souls. Nothing more than a borrowed body that we are assigned prior to coming to Earth.

Think of it this way. Let’s say an entire Universe exists way far, far away behind the 12’th black hole, next to the 3’rd Milky Way. This is where all “The Souls” live. It’s a very happy place based on knowledge and learning. A kind place where there are no such things as wars, guns, or mean people. There are no physical bodies like here on Earth. we are all like floating balloons that glow. Or if you ever saw the movie Cocoon, I’d even be willing to go with glowing bodies. #greatmovie Basically we can take whatever form we want.

And as part of our schooling in this far off universe, each of “Us/Souls” are required to come to earth and live here so that we can learn all the things that “We” should not be. Greed. Jealousy. Meanness. Bullying. Spite. Hate. Lust. Lying. And on and on that people on Earth so easily display to one another.

When we are about to come to Earth we are all assigned a body to host our soul. We don’t get to choose the body we get, it is assigned to us by our elders. Sometimes they screw up and get the body genders wrong and that is how people can be Gay on Earth. They are really the opposite sex Soul, just given the wrong Earth gender body. It’s not really considered a problem as the lessons that are too be leaned by our Souls being in an Earth Human body doesn’t have anything to do with sexual gender preference. Gay humans are just as cruel as all other humans.

“Souls” live for a very long time time. Thousands of years. There are new souls and old souls. Sometimes a “Soul” can choose to come back to Earth and be put into a body just as a refresher experience. It has almost become a sporting event or amusement park for “Souls” to come to Earth because it is so funny to “Souls” how stupid humans are. And 70 – 100 years on Earth is nothing when you live as a “Soul” for thousands of years. Many “Souls” choose to keep coming back to Earth frequently to see if they can try to help the bodies here. Other “Souls” don’t want to come back ever, as what they saw on their first visit to Earth was sickening!

I think that when people talk about Heaven, they are really talking about when their “host human body” dies, “We” go somewhere. Well, “We” do! Our “Soul” leaves our temporary host body, and goes back to behind the 12’th black hole, next to the 3’rd Milky Way with the knowledge of what not to be from our time on Earth. It’s not Heaven. It’s not God. It’s home. It is the home where we all live. All the souls.

Earth is not a good place. It’s population of bodies are a very good place for “Souls” to come and learn about the darker side of existence.

I am happy to know that the “Body” that I have been assigned here on Earth is not the real me!

I am happy to know that “That little Voice Inside of this Body” is the real me!

EarthZebra

CASEY ANTHONY Not Guilty Verdict Correct! Inside Casey’s Mind – 6 Months After the Verdict!

10 Feb

Lets not forget that Casey Anthony is NOT anything other than a real person and reads your comments!

This is a girl who is just like you and me. We are here. We do our best in life. We try to gain our parents respect.

It has now come to light in the court appointed psychologists transcripts that Casey was raped at a party a few years earlier which produced the birth of Cayley. Casey was raped when drugged unconscious and this explains everything!

Casey Anthony, on the surface, appears to have done a lot of crazy things, but as the real facts now dribble out6 months after the verdict, it makes perfect sense!

All a person has to do, is put yourself in her position and it’s not so difficult for a rational thinking person to come to the conclusion she deserves her Not Guilty verdict! I know there are many out there who can’t get past the media’s twisting of the truth, the hot shot media jockeys sensationalizing this story for every rating dollar, but the facts are the facts. Casey Anthony did not kill her daughter and those are the facts.

Here is why……

#1.)
* “Seduce Her with Chloroform” searches on her computer.
* Father of Caylee not told to parents.
* Pregnancy hidden.
* Aloofness and secretiveness with her parents when it comes to Cayley.

When she saw her boyfriend post on MySpace the photo about Chloroform, she searched for it on the computer to see if maybe this is what happened to her when she was raped several years earlier. It makes complete sense when you are raped and a child is had from the rape, that you would try to hide it. The traumatic guilt of not knowing how you got pregnant would more than cause you to be secretive about who the father is and the child.

#2.) A fantasy job at Universal Studios.
Suppose all of your life you have been told by your mother that you are a failure. Suppose all of your teenage years, your dad molested you, making you question your worth as a human being. Suppose you were then drugged, and raped at a party and got pregnant. Suppose you had an cool job at Universal Studios and then got fired. How the heck are you going to come home and tell mom and dad that you failed again, “in their eyes”? and got fired! You won’t. So you lie about it and keep going with that lie as far as you can.

#3.) Zanny the Nanny
Again, your family dynamic is such that your mother tries to run every aspect of your life. She belittles you, berates you, and your father is the guy who you and he have a dark little secret together. You have a fake job, you feel you are a complete loser at this point, and just need some time to get away from your parents home once in awhile. So, one day when mom is giving you sh*t again about having to always take care of “your child”, you make up something to give you a little breathing room. you tell her you are doing very well at work, got a promotion, and can now afford a Nanny. Your mom is proud of you for finally getting your act together and that makes you very happy! You aren’t doing anything all day, so you just keep telling her you are going to work and Zanny the Nanny has Cayley. You come up with the name Zanny as short for Zanex because your mom needs to “Chill” and stop giving you sh*t! Heck, the job lie worked, so go with a nanny lie too. Makes perfect sense.

#4.) The Day Caylee Dies in the Pool
Let’s say you are home with your Dad. Of course Dad is the one who has always been the one to be the “Master of ‘Family’ Secrets” as he and you have had a big one for a very long time. Also, Dad used to be a cop and knows how to handle a good cover-up should you ever need one. Mom leaves the ladder up the night before, Caylee climbs in without a life jacket and drowns. Dad finds her, you come out of the house to find Dad in tears, and the dramatic next few hours begin. Dad says, there is no way we can call the police. Maybe George and Casey were having another one of their private secret moments and are not watching Caylee. Whatever was distracting George and Casey from watching Caylee, if even anything, Caylee drowned that morning. Kids sometimes just get out of your sight for a moment and that’s enough time for something tragic to happen. George takes over, and in a typical belittling, controlling, family way, says “you Casey are going to be to blame for this. Your mother is going to blame you and never ever forgive you”! George and Casey are terrified of what could come next if they call the police. Everything about their life will be exposed. It will be found out the sexual abuse that has taken place. Casey and George realize she will be charged with manslaughter! Cindy will never forgive either of them. There is no option to call the police. George must do something! So, he does. He takes Caylee’s body, dresses her, wraps her up in a blanket, puts her in a trash bag, and puts her in Casey’s trunk. Time is too short to dispose of the body and this is the only option. He tells Casey to act normal. Do not come home tonight. Drive the car away from the home and act normal. Act normal. Act normal or else we both will be exposed!

#5.) The Next 30 days
* Casey and George hatch a plan
* Casey continues her fake life
* George tells Casey to stay away from her mom
* Act normal. Act normal. Act normal.
* Dump the body, quick

With Caylee in the trunk, Casey has no other option but to align herself with her Dad. She continues to go about life in a normal way. Fake, all-be-it but normal for Casey. She compartmentalizes and hides her pain, which she has done all of her life. It is normal for her. Casey feeds mom a steady stream of Bullsh*t each day. She hangs out, goes out, and by all means does not go home! George realizes that the body is going to start stinking pretty soon, so he arranges with Casey for he and her to dump the body someplace. Casey and George say their goodbyes to Caylee. George knows that bugs are going to get in the bag and puts duck tape over Caylees mouth and nose. Casey puts a heart on it and they both dispose of the body in the trash bag just as they have with previous family burials of beloved pets.

#6.) Cindy Anthony Has Had Enough!
* George can’t handle Cindy’s pressure and neither can Casey!
* Casey ditches the car
* George is folding like a tent, they fight about it under the pressure.
* The plan unravels and the police enter the picture!

This is where everything starts heading down hill for George and Casey. They are fighting, and cracking under the stress. Cindy is full force against both. Where is Caylee? Where is Casey? George is doing his best to divert and keep Cindy calm but she’s not having any of it. Casey is staying as far away as she can. Casey runs out of gas and shows up at the home when she knows only George is there. George knows Casey’s car is a problem. He tells her to ditch it after he smells the problem when Casey runs out of gas. They will tell everyone it ran out of gas and got stolen. But, the car is towed to a yard and George is forced to go get the car. He had expected the police to smell the smell and say, holy-moly we have solved the case! George tried to throw Casey under the bus, but his plan backfired and he was forced to ‘Go Get The Car’ and bring the secondary crime scene back to the crime scene (even though it was not a crime but an accidental drowning). So, now Cindy takes over!! Casey is arrested, but not George! George stand by and hopes to heck his daughter doesn’t spill the beans about their “relationship”. (George later in this saga tries to kill himself).

#7.) Every Man for Himself the Body is Missing
Enter Roy Kronk to the picture. Roy Kronk finds the bag and knows he is going to be “famous”, “rich” and be able to find a new life in his fame.
Roy Kronk moves the body and waits for the right time, but the police ignore him. He eventually forces the issue and the body is found where Roy put it.

#8.) Casey’s Jail House Video’s
Casey has taken it this far and she and Dad have a very “unique” bond from the sexual “relationship”. She’s not going to lose the love of her mother and father who is all she has left. She continues to tell her mom what she wants to hear. She does not want to lose the only love she has. A child’s desire to be loved by her parents are over-whelming because she has been wanting that for all her life and never been given it!

#9.) The County Prosecutors satisfy the Media’s and People’s desire to “Burn a Witch” at the Stake!
Even if it is not true. They manufactured a case of nothingness because you can only take BS facts so far! They lost because the jury saw through their BS. 84 Times! 84 Times! 84 Times! They saw the book deals, their Hollywood Stardom and talk shows on the horizon! Same with all their witnesses! Fame got the best of them and the jury saw their true motivation.

#10.) Casey Anthony! Justice is served!
Casey was given a gift by having this so publicized because if this were you or me, any common person, we would not have received a fair trial and found Guilty!

Things have settled down now, 6 months later, and I just hope our country and judicial system has learned something from their rush to judgment….but I doubt it.

The world is a very cruel place and innocent people go to jail all the time. Casey Anthony was one of the lucky ones because for once, justice gave the right outcome based on the FACTS and not anything else!

Good job Defense Team!

As they said on the Kardashians, “Kid tested, Mother approved”!

EZ

Does Praying to God Work?

22 Jan

This week I told a friend about my struggles in life and she said she’d pray for me. The very next day, I came up with a very brilliant idea for a new product which is in my area of expertise.

On a side topic, if you are good at something, then you should follow that area and exploit the heck out of it for as long as you can! Well, for the last 5 years, since my company blew up and melted into a hunk of nothingness and sorrow, I have been pursuing a side path which I am not an expert at. Needless to say, last week I was down to my very last $20.

I made it through last weeks struggles of seemingly no hope and have a little time to regroup again. (Thank you Family!). This will be about the 400’th time I’ve regrouped in the last 5 year period. But, I have no other choice. It is my only option. When one path isn’t working, you tweak it, and tweak it, and tweak it, or finally jump ship! Well, I haven’t jumped ship, even though I have tried very much to do so, my mother and former business partner in the company urged me not too. Oh I don’t know, if this new product proves to be my “comeback”, does that mean every time I wanted to “jump ship”, I was WRONG? I guess so. Thank you mom!

For the first time in oh so many many years I am truly excited about something! Yesterday I sang the Jack N The Box commercial song, Jumbaco, Jumbaco, Jumbaco, we love Jumbaco! LOL

I know for sure I have a winning new, revolutionary concept and product. How can I be so sure? Because I was once the very top, top, top, expert in this field! I was the the king! I didn’t invent it, but I took the invention and changed it so many times, with so many patents, that when you are the king of something, you just know it and everyone else does also! Once again, I have reinvented this product!

Back to this blog topic. Does praying to God work? I don’t know what is the absolute answer.

I prayed to god many times during my 5 years of “desperation” and he never answered or gave me what I prayed for. Joel Osteen says, God makes you go through things to prepare you for the great things ahead and works on his own time schedule, now ours.

My mom says she has also been praying for me. Maybe it was her prayers who were answered. I won’t say I’ve given up praying to God, but I have conceded I don’t have a direct line to him. Or do I?

I have not sold this new product, but I know for sure it is revolutionary in the field I am an expert in.

To my friend, my mom, or myself, or all of us combined. I thank you very much! For even if only for the last few days, I have finally had hope and been happy!

I am the expert in this field! It feels so good to BE BACK! I hope!