Who am I? Who am I? I can’t remember which movie I saw that in but it was a good scene. The actor kept repeating it, who am I, who am I, in different voice tones as if one of them would stick and he’d suddenly realize who he is. I remember, it was ‘The Breakfast Club’, great movie!
I am typing this after another bad experience. After-all, “you speak too much” she told me! UGG, dagger through heart! I suppose that is the reason why I’m not married. I’ve dated some amazing women in my life, go me!…but my biggest flaw and such a turn-off to women is when a guy holds his heart out too soon to a woman. Everyone likes the chase. Everyone likes to feel like they conquered their prey! Society has told us that “hard to get” makes for a better person to be with.
Well, not so! It’s funny, the girls that I have dated that I wasn’t really into all that much are the longest relationships I have had. I treated them like shit and they kept coming back and back. But when I really like someone and all those chemical reactions started racing through my body, I always destroyed those possible relationships by being a complete and total needy loser! Darn chemical reactions!
My longest relationships with those that I was very much into was when I was dating several of “them” all at the same time. I physically just couldn’t keep up with each of the girls. This made for a good buffer from my chemical reactions, otherwise they would have imploded too. When I finally settled on just one, it imploded a few months after. It IS possible to love too much!
I think something is wrong with me physically inside. This is not a normal response to being into someone, is it?
I just hope that I can meet someone with the same chemical reaction that I have for them, they have for me. My god, the sex would be nuclear!
I will keep trying. But I’m not getting any younger and am getting a little concerned I’ll be alone forever and never have kids. Very sad.
December 12, 2013
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